Thursday, November 18, 2010

fluctuating moods

Everytime I post a blog on here i check back on piczo to see if its working, and every time it doesnt. Its a bummer that this blog has 6 followers, (5 on bloglovin) - i'm sure not everyone subscribes who reads- but even then, on piczo I had 2899- thats a HUGE number - besides that, i'd get so many hypes and comments i couldn't respond to every one ... It was fun and it was nice, even though sometimes it got intimidating because i wanted to keep it a secret at school. Is it all coming to an end now or is this a block in the road? I'll keep blogging despite the number of people who follow me, that's not why i started this blog to begin with, it's just confusing how numbers can just drop like that. Does it just seem that way? Who knows! It's not too important. What bums me out is that now when me and devon get NIN3 ( the clothing line ) running I wont have such a huge amount of people to share it with! But dont worry, i'll be sharing nonetheless!

in my english class we're learning about Buddhism (random), and while most of the kids in my class find it extremely boring,  i actually think its super interesting. It's all about finding peace amidst the uglyness - accepting that things are going to be hard but realizing that you can find beauty within yourself. You have to live in the moment, don't stress about things you cant change, like why cant I have that nose? and why don't I have enough money to buy this thing? and concentrating on what you do have and what you can acquire. I still dont fully understand it but i like the idea. Really, nothing good comes out of stressing about what you can't change. Like the AA prayer says though, you have to have "the wisdom to know the difference" (between the things you can change and what you cant). and i dont have that all the time!

i just signed up for an acting class with walter clark and he's amazing. he found an audition for me but i'm scared. i dont know why... and i mean scared beyond just being nervous. i dont even know what i'm scared of. time, i guess? will i have enough time? or just being able to deliver.. i feel like i could make it through the audition but if i got the part i wouldnt be able to do it right. these are stupid fears but i have them. i need to let go but i dont know how. i should probably just force myself to do it, right? i dont know. my seven year old self would kill me. i've wanted to be an actress my whole life, and had been in plays constantly until freshman year. for some reason i decided i needed a break from acting to conquer my freshman year, and i havent gotten back on board since. 4 years. thats so sad. i guess i really do need to force myself to do this audition. once i get back into preforming the love will flow into my veins. i can still remember how it felt to be on stage- amazing. i just need to find some way to break through my fears. fear is stupid, dont let it get the best of you!



  1. First of all, you're beautiful.
    Second, I joined blogspot just because of you ever since you left Piczo. I just HAD to read your blogs.

    Jas x

  2. thats the nicest thing :) thank you so much :))

  3. Hi. I absolutely love the neon pink eyeshadow. it really fits you :)

  4. It does suck that your followers have dropped - but it's probably because most of the people that have a Piczo account don't have one on here (and vice versa). I'm sure everyone still reads this though! Your blogs are too lovely to stop reading (:

    Secondly: I can't WAIT for the clothing line! Ever since I saw those jeans with the triangle lace patches in them I've just been waiting for more news about NIN3. I hope you'll be able to ship stuff overseas (this is what sucks about living in Europe).

    Also, I think you should just go for it with the audition. Like you said, once you get started you'll probably get right back into it (:

    Oh, and the pink eye shadow looks great on you n__n
    Right, I'm going to end this essay now.
    xx Annie

  5. Everyone is still following your blog, believe me. Maybe some of them are just as stupid as me, since I didn't see the 'newer post/home' button for the past week. I kept thinking you weren't posting anything new. But then again, I'm stupid. Glad I found you, missed your posts!


  6. thank you annie :)) i will try my best to ship overseas of course! as long as we have shipping and handling covered in the cost there wont be an issue i dont think.

    and thank you seliensmets ! im glad you found me toooo!

  7. hiya, I know you don't know me, but I had a long history at piczo too... before it became a blogging website. Piczo often "messes up" & its a shame because it ruins lots of friendships :P I saw your blog on piczo and liked it and I happened to have one of these too, so I followed you here too.

    Hopefully piczo starts working again! I know it can be a lot of fun when it isn't malfunctioning!