Tuesday, June 2, 2015

oh well . camp counselor looks

pants from lip service warehouse sale.... sigh
top hand me down from brittany
sunglasses - opening ceremony hand me down from brittany
the pants fit a bit weird.


here's something I wrote on my tumblr:

I recently saw an opportunity and took advantage of it, but in the process saw something that grossed me out and conflicted me. About a year ago I walked up to a gorgeous woman and her beautiful daughter cause I was compelled to tell them how cute they were, and she ended up casting me in a music video. She is a very successful director (although I didn’t know that when we initially met) and it was really exciting working with her.

Recently I was thinking about all my careers and what I’m not doing blah blah and realized I should see what she’s up to- apparently she’s working on two major films right now, both in pre-production. So exciting!!! I wanted to email her and ask if I could come in and read (audition) for someone.One of the movies is based off of a book, and I was like, fuck- her husband followed me today on Instagram, I just thought of her and saw all of this, something tells me I need to email her before I go to sleep today or this isn’t going to happen. So I bought the book on kindle, sat down, and read it over the course of the next 4 hours.

I made a character map, writing down physical characteristics next to each person, and crossing off the non-white characters once their ethnicities were established (the main characters are Salvadoran) because obviously I can’t audition for those characters- I’m fucking white !!

When I was done I talked to someone in my life whose opinion really matters to me, for help with wording the email cause it was just a little weird for me and I didn’t want to feel so thirsty.And he kept telling me to ask to read for the main character…

And I kept telling him “I can’t, she’s Salvadoran, I can’t”

And he’s like “You don’t know how they’re going to cast it, you could easily play this role”

And he’s right, I don’t know how they’re going to cast it. And there is a big, sad chance that they won’t cast a Salvadoran actress, Hollywood whitewashes shit all the time. But I’m not going to actively participate in attempting to strip a character of her ethnic identity so I can try to get a bigger role in a movie, and I felt super insulted that this close friend of mine 1)was so oblivious that THAT was my issue with his advice, he thought I was being insecure about my ability to play a lead role in a major film ~no U asshole and 2)UHHHH hello I talk to him about NIN3 all the time and he knows one of my major goals is to have a successful line that uses a super wide array of models and create a platform with a call to action where women speak about the fucking issues in the fashion industry, a major one being racism in advertising. I talk to him about that shit all the time and now he’s telling me to ask to read for this Salvadoran girl cause “I don’t know how they’re going to cast it”???

ANYWAYS moral of this long story is I emailed asking to read for a smaller role of a girl who fit me. And she replied and I can come in to read, which is exciting. Create your own opportunities and please resist strangling others in the process! Cause it’s unnecessary and gross bye!


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